Weird Things and Why I Did Them
Last month Tasshin Fogleman was giving out sidequests on Twitter. I asked him for one. He told me to write a blogpost on the challenges I’ve done over the past couple years. It sounded doable but I didn’t have a blog and I knew whatever post I wrote wouldn’t be very good. So I put it off. Until today, two days before the Halloween deadline. Because this was a challenge. And every challenge I do has one simple but sacred rule: If I start, I finish.
What sort of challenges? Usually they were activities that forced me to face my fears and expand my comfort zone. Like asking a security guard to borrow 100 dollars. Or wearing a blindfold for 24 hours. Or sitting and doing nothing for 60 minutes, every day, for 60 days.
They have also been ways to get to know myself. To understand and overcome my limits. One thing I’ve found is that the reasons we state why we do or don’t do certain actions are often not the real reasons. When you give yourself an arbitrary (but logically doable) goal you WILL find ways to accomplish it. It doesn’t matter what it is. If your focus is on it you can do it.
One of my first challenges was with Dash Bark-Huss. She was going to do one uncomfortable thing everyday for 30 days. She asked on Twitter if anyone was interested in joining her. It sounded scary but exciting too. A few other people started with us but they soon dropped out. And each time they offered some reasonable-sounding excuse. But before I started I realized the most important thing was to stick to it. Every day I had to choose and do some activity that was either socially or physically uncomfortable. One time it was close to midnight and I still hadn’t done one. So I stood on one foot for 10 minutes. Another time I put my hat out on the sidewalk and sang to people (gut-wrenching!).
The first day I tried to ask a stranger to borrow 100 dollars. It took me the entire day to finally do it. I drove to 3 different stores and just couldn’t get up the nerve. It’s amazing how hard your mind will work to stop you from doing things that feel scary but are perfectly safe. Sometimes the excuses would be that I wasn’t doing it “right” and I should just stop. Or that the challenge I was sweating over wasn’t really uncomfortable enough; that I should stop and come up with a better one. So illogical but so convincing. Happily I found ways to ignore the voices and finished off the 30 days. Over the next couple years I would join others or similar challenges or give myself my own. Here’s a partial list:
1 week of posting a YouTube video everyday
1 week of replying to every social media post I read
3 weeks of posting a video reply to every YouTube video I watched
30 days of only eating meat
Saying “Awesome!” 1000 times
30 days of only tweeting about NaN
30 days of reaching out to a stranger everyday
Asking out 5 attractive strangers in one month
Posting 100 selfies (20 while doing handstands)
30 days of mentally saying “I love you Nat” every spare second
24 hours wearing upside-down-vision goggles
100 days of daily gratitude journaling
One unexpected benefit has been self-trust. Growing up, I often procrastinated and didn’t follow through. So when I think of trying something new a little voice says it’s hopeless; that I’m going to give up. By taking on tough but doable challenges I have proven that voice wrong.
Having clear time limits was a big help. Sometimes we find an activity and want to take it on as a habit. But we don’t give ourselves a trial period. How could we? In order to start we have to convince ourselves it is good for us and if it’s good for us why would we ever stop? A double bind. I’ve found that it’s much better to set a time limit. Even if it turns out super helpful I don’t have to keep going. I once did gratitude journaling every day for 100 days. There were many good things that came from it but when it was done I stopped.
Same with the 30 days of discomfort. When it was done I was proud of myself. I knew how close I had come to giving up. Dash also finished but wanted to go for another 70 days. I was tempted to join her. But I had made an agreement with my past self that I would only do 30 days. If I went past that it would be like a betrayal. More than I signed up for. And so I chose not to.
Now when I commit to doing something I know there are no strings attached. I know it might be hard but that my future self won’t ask any more of me than what was stated at the beginning. There is great freedom in that. It has nothing to do with what is morally right or wrong; good or bad habits. Goodness and rightness feel too heavy to play with. So I saw them as just challenges. Just games.
Some were fun. Some terrifying. All had moments of frustration or boredom. But because I stuck to my program I was able to see life from new and interesting angles. I don’t know if I’ll do more. I may have achieved what I needed. But I do know that it’s been fun and I’ve grown. My knowledge of myself and people has expanded and my social muscles have too. If you’re wondering whether your excuses are real or not, put them to the test. I think you’ll be surprised.